Hurting Mama is expecting!!!!
Yes it's true!!! This hurting mama is expecting her 4th child. While this is a very UNEXPECTED surprise, I am looking at it as it was meant to be... Why was it meant to be??? I don't know the answer to that either but it must have been written in the stars so I am embracing the whole situation. I am at a loss for words but like I said I will embrace it and not be down in the face about it. I am scared because while I am the mother of 3 already this will be a new transition for me once the newest one arrives. Yes I am afraid of a lot of there things too like will this baby be loved like the other children, will the other children be able to adjust to have another little one around. I know Ari will as she is a little girl and it will be like having a new toy but the boys I am uncertain as Joe is already a nutcase and Amare is just young to understand right now... He may think that it's a new toy too considering that it will be smaller than him. You know how babies are around other babies. LOL Oh... Like they are SOOO much older than the other.
But my biggest fear right now lies in my hubby. He and I have been together for almost 8 years to which 3 1/2 of them we have been husband and wife. We have been going through some troubling times for the past couple of months and maybe that is why he doesn't feel like he is capable of having another child with me. I won't lie I did tell him a few months back that I couldn't have another child with him considering our circumstances but once he and I started to work things out I think my body finally allowed me to get pregnant. This child was conceived when we had a moment of passionate weakness. I mean we had stopped doing the "cum in me" thing and decided that our fun was over. Then after our Mother's Day talk, a couple of days later we were fully engrossed in our lovemaking that we totally forgot ourselves. Then the following day I ovulated and it kinda scared me because I didn't know what this unexplained bleeding was. So I had to call the on call nurse... Or whatever that person is called and I asked a whole bunch of questions and we deduced that I wasn't dying... Hey it never happened before and that I knew I didn't have fibroids because those would have shown up a lot earlier with my previous children. So she told me the only possibility was pregnancy and I kinda was taken aback because I really wasn't expecting that at all. Isn't it funny that it happens like that??? I mean when you try, try and try you come up empty but when you aren't even trying and not thinking about it is when it happens.
My hubby who is not to thrilled about the idea and I am certain that he would not want to add this child to our family but I can't in good conscious just terminate a life. He and I have been through this song and dance before with the previous 3 but this time I am pretty sure that he would rather me terminate this pregnancy. I haven't told anyone my feelings about his suggestions and while it hurts me a lot to think that he could just tell me to do something like that, it angers me even more. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, all I can think about is how could you even sugeest something like this to me... your wife. I could see if I was some random chick that you hardly knew and I told you that I was pregnant with your child. I wouldn't even believe that baby was mine just because we slept together until I got a paternity test done... That would be totally different as we don't have the same foundation built but to tell your wife of whom you pleadge your eternal love and devotion forsaking all others... It really hurts a lot.
I honestly feel like if I carry this baby full term that he might actually leave me. I know I shouldn't think that way but it's the truth. Like I said before there are a lot more things going on besides my pregnancy in this relationship right now but to think that by having this baby will ruin our lives is totally bogus to me. I feel like we could actually use this pregnancy as a rebuilding/rebirthing experience. I mean we could recommit ourselves to each other and to this family that we built together. I know he isn't happy about this situation and part of m eis also unhappy about the situation but I am not going to let it unnecessarily tear my mariage apart. I mean we are being blessed with this unexpected soul and we need to embrace this because there is a reason why it happened besides the whole... "he came in me" thing. Maybe there is a secret goal/agenda that the God/dess had for us and it just hasn't been pointed out to us yet. I don't know but like I have said before it all will be well in the end. :o)
But my biggest fear right now lies in my hubby. He and I have been together for almost 8 years to which 3 1/2 of them we have been husband and wife. We have been going through some troubling times for the past couple of months and maybe that is why he doesn't feel like he is capable of having another child with me. I won't lie I did tell him a few months back that I couldn't have another child with him considering our circumstances but once he and I started to work things out I think my body finally allowed me to get pregnant. This child was conceived when we had a moment of passionate weakness. I mean we had stopped doing the "cum in me" thing and decided that our fun was over. Then after our Mother's Day talk, a couple of days later we were fully engrossed in our lovemaking that we totally forgot ourselves. Then the following day I ovulated and it kinda scared me because I didn't know what this unexplained bleeding was. So I had to call the on call nurse... Or whatever that person is called and I asked a whole bunch of questions and we deduced that I wasn't dying... Hey it never happened before and that I knew I didn't have fibroids because those would have shown up a lot earlier with my previous children. So she told me the only possibility was pregnancy and I kinda was taken aback because I really wasn't expecting that at all. Isn't it funny that it happens like that??? I mean when you try, try and try you come up empty but when you aren't even trying and not thinking about it is when it happens.
My hubby who is not to thrilled about the idea and I am certain that he would not want to add this child to our family but I can't in good conscious just terminate a life. He and I have been through this song and dance before with the previous 3 but this time I am pretty sure that he would rather me terminate this pregnancy. I haven't told anyone my feelings about his suggestions and while it hurts me a lot to think that he could just tell me to do something like that, it angers me even more. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, all I can think about is how could you even sugeest something like this to me... your wife. I could see if I was some random chick that you hardly knew and I told you that I was pregnant with your child. I wouldn't even believe that baby was mine just because we slept together until I got a paternity test done... That would be totally different as we don't have the same foundation built but to tell your wife of whom you pleadge your eternal love and devotion forsaking all others... It really hurts a lot.
I honestly feel like if I carry this baby full term that he might actually leave me. I know I shouldn't think that way but it's the truth. Like I said before there are a lot more things going on besides my pregnancy in this relationship right now but to think that by having this baby will ruin our lives is totally bogus to me. I feel like we could actually use this pregnancy as a rebuilding/rebirthing experience. I mean we could recommit ourselves to each other and to this family that we built together. I know he isn't happy about this situation and part of m eis also unhappy about the situation but I am not going to let it unnecessarily tear my mariage apart. I mean we are being blessed with this unexpected soul and we need to embrace this because there is a reason why it happened besides the whole... "he came in me" thing. Maybe there is a secret goal/agenda that the God/dess had for us and it just hasn't been pointed out to us yet. I don't know but like I have said before it all will be well in the end. :o)
posted by Hurting Mama at 12:36 PM
