This is sooo hard!!!
Him saying that he is no longer IN love with me has gotten me seriously messed up. I know that he still is because he sounds doubtful and isn't convinced of what he said. He feels sooo much guilt that he can't get past that. I also know that love changes from that stupid goo goo gaa gaa love to serious hardcore cement love. We are past the lust stage but we are still hot for each other.
I can honestly say that I am losing my mind... LITERALLY!!! I can't stop crying because I am hurting sooo much. This is like the ultimate pain I have ever felt that doesn't involve direct physical pain. I never knew that emotional pain could be this hard. I have no one to talk too about this situation IRL. It seems like he is okay with all of this because he has people to talk to about the situation IRL... his homeboy, one of his female co-workers (she's a nice lady and i have met her) and his family (but they give some really fucked up advice). Me on the other hand, I only have my mom and dad. It's getting really hard.
Like today I didn't get up until it was time for me to pick up my dd from school. I stayed in the bed all morning and get up 10 mins before I needed to leave and got dressed. I cried as I walked to her school and after I picked her up, I started crying again. Of course every time that she would look up at me I wouldn't let her see me because I don't want her to worry more than she already does.
This is really hard because I know that he doesn't mean that he doesn't love me... it's that guilt that he can't get over that is making him act like a total weirdo. I just need to be strong but it's soo flippin hard with my hormones already being all messed up because I'm pregnant but also to have the stress of this is making me a total lunatic!!
I know this is going to sound bad but I can't wait until it's ALL OVER!!! whatever we find out, we should be able to move on. Whether it's his baby or it's not, we have to come to some kind of resolution not only for the sake ourselves but for the sake of our children. This isn't fair to them at all. They need peace in their lives and the only way that they will be able to achieve that is to have two loving parents that are both mentally and physically stable.
I don't know where our paths will lead us but I am praying to the Goddess that it leads us to road of recovery and rebirth. I still say that this baby that I am carrying is a strong willed individual because it's hanging strong and not only is it staying put but thriving amidst all of this turmoil. I thank the Goddess for blessing me with the opportunity for allowing to carry another soul into this world. This baby will be different and bring forth change!!!
I can honestly say that I am losing my mind... LITERALLY!!! I can't stop crying because I am hurting sooo much. This is like the ultimate pain I have ever felt that doesn't involve direct physical pain. I never knew that emotional pain could be this hard. I have no one to talk too about this situation IRL. It seems like he is okay with all of this because he has people to talk to about the situation IRL... his homeboy, one of his female co-workers (she's a nice lady and i have met her) and his family (but they give some really fucked up advice). Me on the other hand, I only have my mom and dad. It's getting really hard.
Like today I didn't get up until it was time for me to pick up my dd from school. I stayed in the bed all morning and get up 10 mins before I needed to leave and got dressed. I cried as I walked to her school and after I picked her up, I started crying again. Of course every time that she would look up at me I wouldn't let her see me because I don't want her to worry more than she already does.
This is really hard because I know that he doesn't mean that he doesn't love me... it's that guilt that he can't get over that is making him act like a total weirdo. I just need to be strong but it's soo flippin hard with my hormones already being all messed up because I'm pregnant but also to have the stress of this is making me a total lunatic!!
I know this is going to sound bad but I can't wait until it's ALL OVER!!! whatever we find out, we should be able to move on. Whether it's his baby or it's not, we have to come to some kind of resolution not only for the sake ourselves but for the sake of our children. This isn't fair to them at all. They need peace in their lives and the only way that they will be able to achieve that is to have two loving parents that are both mentally and physically stable.
I don't know where our paths will lead us but I am praying to the Goddess that it leads us to road of recovery and rebirth. I still say that this baby that I am carrying is a strong willed individual because it's hanging strong and not only is it staying put but thriving amidst all of this turmoil. I thank the Goddess for blessing me with the opportunity for allowing to carry another soul into this world. This baby will be different and bring forth change!!!
posted by Hurting Mama at 4:41 PM
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